“You Shall Not Commit Adultery” (Part 2)

[This is part two of a manuscript published by the Shenandoah Church of Christ 32 years ago on the subject of adultery. It begins by reviewing the four Biblical definitions of adultery.]

To reiterate, the four types of adultery are:

Sexual intimacy occurs between two people not married to each other—at least one of them is married to someone else.

Spiritual adultery involves the worship of idols or whatever else is placed ahead of God.

Mental adultery takes place in the mind and often leads to the physical act.

Marital adultery refers to living in a state of adultery, which results from unlawful divorce and remarriage.

CAUSES OF ADULTERY

Although some may be sexaholics, most Christians are not. Yet many (who know better) become involved in extra-marital affairs. Why? The answer is much easier to say in a general way than to explain specifically, but to borrow a phrase that may by now be a cliché, something is not what it should be at home. Let’s consider some situations that could and do occur.

When a man commits adultery, he probably thinks his wife is not intimate with him often enough. Reportedly, the sex drive in males is nine times stronger than in females (on the average). Therefore, if he perceives that sex is not a great priority for his wife, he may look for another woman who enjoys it more and perhaps with greater frequency. Society informs men that there are millions of women who would love to indulge his “Playboy bunny fantasies.” (Isn’t that the message of pornography, rock music, and the movies?) He probably feels that other men are much more satisfied than he is.

Eventually, he finds a woman who expresses genuine interest in him. After awhile it becomes evident that they desire each other, and adultery is committed. She seems much more passionate than his wife and takes a greater interest in fulfilling his sexual needs. He may even contemplate divorcing his wife in order to marry this genuinely sensitive creature even though he basically knows only one aspect of her. (As a comedian once commented, “Have you ever heard of a man leaving his wife for another woman because she was a better cook or housekeeper?”)

But let’s say that we have a man who is basically satisfied at home. Is he immune from temptation? Writing in the Journal of Sexual Behavior, Dr. Robert Whitehurst affirms that men universally consider extramarital affairs: “All men from the first day of marriage onward think about this possibility.... Although these tendencies toward extramarital sexual activity diminish in later middle age and beyond, they never entirely vanish or disappear in normal men” (Dobson 117-28).

Obviously, the temptation exists. A Christian man may thwart Satan’s goal of leading him into sin by dismissing such thoughts from the mind promptly and replacing them with something else, such as his job, his children, or his wife. If all that fails, perhaps he might recall that Jesus shed His blood to deliver him from sin.

When a woman commits adultery, it is usually a cry for attention (which can sometimes be true of men, also). More than one Christian woman confessed she would not have become involved with another man, but her husband was always busy (frequently doing the Lord’s work!), and he was generally inattentive to her emotional needs. Someone came along who was kind, considerate, and willing to spend some time with her. Her longing for attention and acceptance clouded her ability to discern properly, and she found herself shamefully violating God’s law (Anonymous 2).

In an effort to explain sexual aggressiveness on the part of young girls, USA Today on July 29, 1991 quoted Ann Landers’ explanation: “Some of these girls are starved for attention. They don’t necessarily want sex. They want to be held” (Patterson 2). Young girls grow into mature women, and the need to be held does not diminish; no one enjoys the awful feeling of loneliness.

Married couples ought to strive to be alert to each others’ needs—both physical and emotional. Communication is a vital factor in establishing a workable and harmonious relationship. In Your Marriage Can Be Great, Brother Warren wrote: “Several years ago a physician—a member of the Lord’s church—once told me that much of the illness among people was emotionally—not organically—induced. He further said that, in his opinion, much of the poor emotions was [sic] caused by poor sex relations. And, in turn, the poor emotions cause even worse sex relations” (210).

Since marriage is one of the key relationships on earth, a couple can hardly invest too much time and effort into nurturing it. Fortunately, couples today can attend marriage seminars, read a multitude of good books, survey several types of materials calculated to improve the husband-wife relationship, or even obtain marriage counseling. Some of the various programs have been helpful even to those who already have good marriages; imagine what they could do for those heading for trouble.

25 REASONS NOT TO COMMIT ADULTERY

During the moment of temptation, a person’s lust may override all sense of decency and the basic principles that he has been taught during his lifetime. Therefore, it is important to firmly entrench the consequences of adultery in one’s mind in advance. Reasons for sexual purity must be reviewed periodically as well, lest they slip, because the results of this sin are catastrophic; adultery must be avoided at all costs. Once committed, it cannot be undone. Steal another man’s watch, and you can repent by giving it back no worse for the wear and tear. Steal another man’s wife, and though you return her as part of your repentance, you have changed things forever.

Below are listed 25 reasons for not committing adultery. Most of them were obtained by a study of various passages of Scriptures.

The possibility of pregnancy (2 Sam. 11:4-5). Bearing a child was a very real problem for Bathsheba after her adultery with David. The text puts no other events between the two statements of the sin and the conception. Notice that one “indiscretion” was all that was necessary for her to become pregnant. Although adulterers may deeply grieve their actions immediately, the fruit of the works may take nine months to harvest. How many lives have been altered because their sins found them out?

What to do about the particular eventuality has plagued mankind from the beginning until this very hour. Many solutions have been tried. Had Planned Parenthood and one of their abortion clinics been available in Jerusalem, would David have used it? How would God have responded to their sin if Bathsheba had taken the RU-486 drug and no one ever found out about the pregnancy? We can only wonder about that, but no guesswork is involved in determining that their actions constitute sin. David already had several wives; Bathsheba was married to the noble and loyal Uriah. There can be no possible way to justify their actions.

The danger of committing other sins to cover up the first one (2 Sam. 11:6-8, 14-25). David’s first approach was to attempt to get Uriah to go home and enjoy the sexual relationship with his wife. Then, when a child was born several months later, Uriah would think the infant was his, and the adulterers would escape exposure. This excellent Hittite, however, refused to selfishly indulge himself while his comrades were risking their lives; David’s coverup failed.

Notice that David used Satan’s chief tool (deceit) in his underhanded way of dealing with Uriah. He called him from the battle under false pretenses; he sent him home for purposes of deception; had the plan worked, Uriah would have erroneously believed the child to be his; and when all else failed, he made an innocent man the messenger of his own death.

He further betrayed and murdered him—with Joab’s help. Now we might quibble over David’s role in Uriah’s death as to how much blame each person deserves, but the fact is that David originated the conspiracy and authorized the execution. We might even suggest (being as gracious as possible) that the Ammonites actually were responsible. But God, through Nathan, settled the matter: “You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword…” (2 Sam. 12:9). Thus, to hide one sin, David entered Satan’s domain of deceit and violated whatever other commandments of God he felt necessary.

The feeling of guilt (Psalm 51:3). David lamented, “My sin is ever before me.” He also prayed for God to wash him thoroughly from his iniquity (51:2) and to create within him a clean heart (verse 10). David recognized that his heart had become diseased; had he not been dominated by lust, he never would have committed such vile acts.

But ridding oneself of guilt is no small task. Its presence may make changes in one’s personality, such as being defensive, sullen, explosive, or suspicious of one’s mate. To compound matters, the fear of exposure always threatens.

The humiliation of discovery (2 Sam. 12:7-9). Though men may enjoy sinning in secret, they have always been embarrassed about being rebuked openly. When a sin becomes known, the mind can relax from the pressure of guilt, arranging alibis, and the duplicity required, but it must now face a host of family and friends who feel betrayed and who do not understand.

Consider Jimmy Swaggart and others whose “kinky” habits have come to light. The average Christian may not be so well known as a fallen televangelist, but being caught is just as painful in the sense that everyone in his personal world will learn of the sin: wife (or husband), kids, parents, the church, those who considered him spiritually strong, the community, those he works with (or maybe counseled). Of course, God already knew.

David was rebuked by Nathan, who justly took away every defense that might have been proposed. In order to understand God’s anger with David, the prophet used an illustration that aroused the king’s wrath; then he made the dramatic revelation: “You are the man!” He further showed that David’s behavior smacked of ingratitude.

“I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much much more!” (2 Sam. 12:7-8).

Had God not loved and watched over David—all those times Saul had persecuted him in the wilderness? But how had David repaid these great kindnesses? The next verse answers the question.

David had requited God’s love by despising His commandments, practicing evil in His sight, taking another man’s wife, and then commanding an innocent man’s death. What we should remember while we point the accusing finger at David and ask, “How could you?” is that if we have contemplated adultery or actually committed it, we are just as ungrateful for all that God has done for us, and we are just as willing to violate God’s holy law as David was. Furthermore, though the sin may be forgiven, there is no immediate remedy for the humiliation.