The United Church of Bacon
A few years ago, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster achieved a certain notoriety in various locales, and they claim to be in several countries around the world. They refer to themselves as Pastafarians and claim to enjoy all the things that the Bible condemns. Truly, they have their reward.
Another atheistic group has arisen since 2010; they call themselves the United Church of Bacon (UCB). No, the reference is not to Francis Bacon (1561-1626), who actually had something to offer mankind. No, not Roger Bacon (1220-1292), either, who was a medieval philosopher. This "religious" group is devoted to the bacon that comes from a pig. One wonders if their "swine" philosophy can match that of Jeremy Bentham. If not, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster can.
Above is the logo of UCB, which shows two pieces of bacon praying to the sun in the background, which doesn't quite make sense, since the bacon ought to be the object of worship.
One question that quickly comes to mind is, "Why is it the United Church of Bacon?" Was there a time when the adherents to this religion were not united? Were they divided, for example, as to whether or not to have eggs as part of the logo? Or maybe toast and jelly? Did such options make matters too complex for their followers? Or did they think it would draw too much attention away from bacon? At any rate, they kept it simple with only one object of worship—bacon. Maybe they are "united" in that they refused to ever consider any other food (such as sausage or pork) worthy of devotion. According to Wikipedia:
The Church of Bacon was founded during a meeting at Penn Jillette's house in 2010, to fight discrimination against atheists. The official launch was at The Amazing Meeting, in 2012. They believe in practical atheism and do not believe in the existence of gods. They chose a funny bacon name with an argument that bacon is demonstrably real whereas god is imperceptible by the eye. The Church's mission statement is, "Hail Bacon, full of grease, the Lard is with thee."
Their religious leaders are known as friars. Okay, they have a sense of humor—even though it is blasphemous. "Hail Bacon, full of grease" is an obvious insult to Catholicism's "Hail Mary, full of grace." We do not agree with Catholicism's over-exaltation of Mary, but mockery (as it is used in this instance) is especially offensive. It may be clever, but it's also rancid. Usually, we oppose a false idea with truth. On occasion, we might use absurdity to illustrate the absurd, but this is not one of those occasions.
In Michael Jackson's "Beat It," he laments, "O, Lord," near the end of the song, thus using the Lord's name in vain. When Weird Al did the parody, "Eat It," he changed that part to "oh, lard," which did not seem blasphemous—plus, it fit the context of eating too much. [The lyrics have "oh, lord," but in the song it definitely sounds like "lard."] The song was a hit in 1984—long before the United Church of Bacon came into existence. In their usage, changing Lord to Lard is definitely blasphemous.
Penn Jillette is half of the magic act, known as Penn and Teller. His house now serves as the headquarters for the organization. However, the founder is John Whiteside, who claims they chose to worship bacon because it has been proven to exist in a court of law. So was Kriss Kringle in Miracle on 34th Street. Is it a requirement that something must be proven in a court of law or it does not exist? Most of us have never been so documented; do we, therefore, not exist? And if God is proven in a court of law, then will the Baconites (or should we call them Bacon bits?) accept that truth?
Just because something is not of a material nature does not mean it does not exist. We don't see gravity, but we see the effects of it. We don't see wind, but we see what results from it. We do not see God, but He has demonstrated Himself in a number of ways. Take, for example, Pharaoh. Moses told him in advance what would happen, beginning with the water turning to blood. Pharaoh was stubborn. Moses foretold what plague would come upon the people nine more times. After the death of his firstborn son, Pharaoh let Israel go.
What was he thinking? The first two times his magicians duplicated what God did (to some degree). After the second plague, they said of the third, "This is the finger of God" (Ex. 8:19). As each punishment devastates their crops and their livestock, Pharaoh remains adamant against the release of the Israelites. Does he think these are coincidences? He is seeing the power of God before his eyes; his stubbornness is colossal.
Reluctant Believers
Ahab was the most wicked king to ever rule over the northern kingdom of Israel. His wife was even worse than he was. Yet the contest at Mount Carmel convinced even him of the reality of God (what does that imply about Whiteside?). There could be no other explanation for a sacrifice doused in water to be consumed by fire.
Saul of Tarsus believed in God—but he evidently thought Jesus was a fraud. It took a personal appearance of Jesus to Saul to convince him otherwise. Those with whom Jesus came in contact did not believe Jesus was the Messiah just because He said so; He healed the blind, the lame, and the deaf, among others (Matt. 15:29-31). That constituted valid evidence to those present.
Oh, but neither Whiteside nor we have ever witnessed such a demonstration of power. "Bacon is tangible." So were the loaves and fish that Jesus multiplied, and not a single person ever wrote a book or appeared on The View to dispute the fact that Jesus fed 5,000 people on one occasion and 4,000 on another.
The 8 Bacon Commandments
Originally, there were 9 commandments, but now one is omitted. That one stated: "Pay taxes," but it has been removed. Hmm. If someone is going to mock religion, he ought to, at the very least, have ten commandments of his own. So, either Whiteside lacks the intellectual acumen to think of ten, or he is just too lazy.
The first one is: "Be skeptical." This is actually a valuable precept. No one should believe without evidence, and too many religious charlatans bilk money out of unsuspecting and undiscerning followers. But one should not remain skeptical in the face of compelling evidence.
Next comes, "Respect Boundaries." This one really ought to be defined—due to its vagueness. What does he mean? Should one never question another about a religious or a non-religious practice? What if a neighbor's drunkenness is hurting his family and others in the area? Are we supposed to respect his boundaries? We have social services that exist to protect abused children—boundaries notwithstanding.
The third commandment is: "Normalize atheists and Religion." This could stand some explanation, also. Notice that the wording on these commandments is not nearly as precise as, "Thou shalt not steal," or, "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery." Atheism will never be normal in a world where 90% of its inhabitants believe in a deity of some kind.
"Have fun" is the fourth commandment. How long did it take to come up with this one? Even a child wants to have fun. Does everyone get to furnish his own definition of what fun is? What if one person's definition of fun is taking things that other people own? What if a man wants his neighbor's wife? Which principle wins out—respecting boundaries or having fun?
The 5th commandment of Bacon is: "Be good." The first question anyone ought to ask is, "Why?" Another question follows closely, "Who defines what good is" (Judges 21:25)? Why should anyone abide by the definitions someone else wants to impose on him? Does being good include not murdering others? What happens in cities like Chicago that have one of the highest murder rates of any major city? Why don't people want to be good there? And who enforces this or any of the other Bacon commandments?
Sixth is, "Be generous." A skeptic should ask, "Why? Why should I not be as selfish as I can be? I earned my money. Why should I share it with those who don't work? Don't try to make me a Communist or a Socialist."
Seventh is, "Praise Bacon." "What does that entail?" a person might wonder. We are still in the land of obscurity. Finally, we read, "Advocate for fair church taxation." What does that mean? If it refers to taxing churches that own businesses and make profits, we are all for it. They should be treated as a business like any other corporation. If it means taxing church property or any other tax a church might be exempt from, we would oppose a tradition that goes back more than two centuries. It was decided early in this nation's history to exempt churches from taxes because of all they do to support the community and to help others. These laws ought to remain.
Absurdity
Because the United Church of Bacon has such a delicious sense of humor, they will probably appreciate the following scenario. Let's say a member of this United Church of Bacon lay on his deathbed. He has appealed for good news from his doctor, but there is none. Death is eminent; what does he do? He cannot call for a preacher; he must ask for his friar.
The friar comes to his home and is apprised of the situation. He visits with the church member who says, "Please comfort me by singing some hymns about bacon. Sing the one about sizzle; I've always liked that one." The friar sings the song and then asks if he'd like him to fry some up. He declines, saying that at the moment he has no appetite. Then he asks him to read some psalms that offer up praise to bacon, and his request is granted.
The victim says, "I guess there's no way to save my bacon, is there?" The poor attempt at humor merits a brief chuckle, but then the church member says, "What can I look forward to on the other side? Will I awake to the aroma of bacon being fried up?" "No," his friar reminds him. "We're atheists, remember?" "Then the bacon god cannot save me?" "There is nothing to save you from. You just cease to exist." "What kind of religion have I devoted myself to? For years of service I get nothing in return?" "You knew it was a hoax." "Miserable comforters are you all," were his final words, left over from early Biblical training. His wife mused, "I wish we had believed something logical."