"Swaggerology"

So here we are beginning again the five-and-a-half year Chronological Bible Odyssey, and what are other religious groups doing? Now some people will suspect the following is fictitious, and it certainly ought to be, but the fact is that it happened earlier this year in Orlando. A full-page, card stock page—glossy on both sides—flier was sent out to residents in a certain area of the city by the Innovation Church, which meets on the University of Central Florida Campus. The special invitation was the new teaching series on swaggerology, which was subtitled: "Uncovering the Biblical Secrets to a life of Confidence."

Umm, really? Yes! And five lessons were tied into this theme, beginning with "Easter Sunday's" kickoff lesson: "Swaggergasted!" These were followed by "Swagnosis," "Swagger Jackers," "Swagloader," and "Swagger-Up!" Of course, anyone reading these lines is probably lamenting loudly that they missed these theological masterpieces.

Now if these are not sufficient to whet one's appetites, there is more! On the first Sunday this series began, the Innovation Church was having an "Easter Egg Hunt" and "Bounce Houses." Does anyone remember the church in the New Testament resorting to these techniques? In the first place, there was no Easter egg hunt, since there was no such thing as "Easter," which was not observed in the New Testament. Easter is a secular religious holiday, combining the resurrection of Christ with the pagan rites of Spring (fertility). The Lord's death (which brings to mind His burial and resurrection, which serve as the fundamental teaching of the gospel—1 Cor. 15:1-4) was observed each first day of the week—not annually. To what churches did Paul write about their entertainment programs that they used to attract the public?

In the "Lead Pastor's" comments, he assures the public that they will have "a fun time" in "a fun and welcoming environment." Are these approaches that churches in the New Testament used? He also promises that the "teaching will be relevant to your life, the music will be rockin', and your kids will have a fun learning experience…." Everyone will recall how Paul included rockin' as a description of and purpose for singing in Ephesians 5:19 and Colossians 3:16—not.

One wonders if Swagger Jackers are related to the Tracker Jackers of Hunger Games. Those were genetically-altered wasps that gave people hallucinations when they stung them. Are Swagger Jackers genetically altered Christians who sting others, thus causing them to have hallucinations that they are actually saved and that the church of our Lord should be the way this one describes itself? It would explain a lot. Oh, and if the Tracker Jacker stings were not treated; they caused death—in this case, spiritual death.

"DANCING WITH THE PASTORS"

No, this writer's imagination is not creative enough to make this stuff up. This glossy-paged flier comes across as an anomaly. The slickness of the advertisement (white print with a blue background) is mixed with the casualness of the title, which unlike the one above is printed in all small-case letters. No one should let the informality of this style fool them, however. The purpose for this poster was fund-raising, and the goal was not to solicit mere chump change.

One could enjoy a Table Sponsorship for a mere $2,500. Double that amount, and the sponsorship level moved up to "Bronze." "Silver" was a tad more expensive, requiring a $15,000 donation. For those who were willing to go for the gold, it could be won for a trifling $25,000. Of course, some in the community would only want the best; $50,000 was all that it took to be a "Platinum Sponsor."

If parting with $50,000 seems a bit pricey, just consider what it purchases: four reserved tables, complimentary parking for the donor and his 30 guests, dinner, a full page ad on the back of the evening's program, and other assorted goodies. And what was this huge fund-raising event for? The event is to benefit "Central Florida's New Homeless Drop-in Center." If most people gave this much money, they would probably be homeless. The event occurred February 20, 2009; it was held at The Ballroom Church Street in Orlando (skeptics should look it up on the Internet).

Does anyone think that our culture has influenced religion? A careful study of the qualifications for elders / pastors / bishops does not seem to include being able to dance. What was Paul thinking? Well, perhaps hospitable might apply, but then sober-minded cancels the idea of dancing out, as might of good behavior. If wine was served, that could be another problem area (1 Tim. 3:2-3; Titus 1:5-7).

Obviously motivated by Dancing with the Stars, the event first of all presumes that those whose mission is primarily spiritual should also be equally worldly. Second, it lends itself to the denominational philosophy that there is a pastor who operates a church rather than a group of pastors, as the New Testament teaches. Third, it turns over the work of the church to a benevolent institution. Fourth, it assumes that various religious denominations are all equal and acceptable to God, which is not based on any New Testament teaching. Equally lacking in authority, fifth, is the idea that the concept of fund-raising is normal for those involved with churches. All of these assumptions are false. Does anyone sincerely think that events like these were something in which the church in the first century engaged? How unfortunate that people's perception of Christianity is so far removed from what is described in the Bible! Perhaps the event should have tried a Bible quiz.