Is Love Really Love?
For the past several decades, there has been an ongoing debate in our nation about the nature of marriage and its purpose, as well as its limits. Many in the LGBTQ movement have argued that marriage should not be restricted to two individuals of the opposite sex, but it should include same-sex couples as well. Since the Supreme Court concluded that this was an inherent right recognized even in the Bill of Rights on June 26th, 2015 (Marder), the legal debate over same-sex marriage has died down. Many in the movement are now focused on creating a greater “acceptance” and “inclusion” in society for such relationships in general.
And one slogan that has been used to justify such relationships is, “Love is love.” But what does this mean? It is like saying, “Water is water.” Though all water is water, we all make distinctions between fresh water, salt water, clean water, contaminated water, and so forth. Phrases like, “Love is love,” are opaque to say the least. However, it is used to imply that any romantic or erotic relationship is justified, regardless if it is heterosexual in nature or not. These quotes from Bustle, an on-line magazine for women, indicate such (Lu).
As Angelique Kenney said, “Love is love' means to me that we all should be able to love how we want, and there's nothing wrong with any kind of love. Love is going to save our planet.”
And Sarah Fox, who said "To me, 'Love is love' means that my friends and family and anyone who might love someone is able to love them, freely and willingly. No one is telling them that that's not okay. They can be celebrated for their differences and appreciated for who they are.”
So, this expression is a term used to say that all forms of love are equal, simply because they are “loving” in nature. However, little do many realize that this is a fallacious argument known as “proving too much.” As Scott Alexander summarized, it is problematic because “in addition to proving its intended conclusion, it also proves obviously false conclusions” (Alexander).
But how does this argument prove too much? Because this kind of rationalization also justifies all kinds of relationships, including pedophilic and pederastic relationships. Now let’s be clear: Adult same-sex relationships are in no way, shape, or form the same as pedophilic relationships. That is not the point. The point is that this same argument equally applies to clearly abominable behavior argued for by pedophiles, such as the North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). They actually argue that pederastic relationships ought to be legally accepted in society because it is “love.” In their own words, “The love of a man for a boy, and of a boy for a man. Enjoyable, consensual, beautiful” (https://www.nambla.org/whatis.html).
It may be that the vast majority of LGBTQ individuals would stand against such ideas vehemently. Many already have, such as the group called “Gays Against Groomers” who are against any kind of sexualization or sexual indoctrination of children (Gays Against Groomers). However, many in the LGBTQ community use such fallacious arguments as, “Love is love,” which does indeed prove too much.
It is important that we as Christians engage with our friends on such topics—especially those who are sympathetic to such arguments—and show how illogical they are. While it may not be enough, by itself, to help them see the wisdom of God’s design for human sexuality, it does help raise a greater question: What is the ethic of love and sexual love truly rooted in?
Christians believe that the ethics of sexual love are rooted in God’s design and exercised in God’s will, thus exercised only in specific boundaries, that include age (Ezekiel 16:7) and consent (Deuteronomy 22:25), monogamy (Hebrews 13:4), and mature healthy marriages lived out in mutual respect to one’s needs and desires (1 Peter 3:7; Eph. 5:33; 1 Cor. 7:1-5). And it is this ethic, that has shaped the West. But, unfortunately, so many have taken this foundation for granted. One needs only look at the horrors of Roman sexuality exercised in control, abuse, and oppression to truly appreciate the ethic that the apostolic church has supplanted.
Many have assumed that it is the Christian ethic that hinders sexuality; however, little do most realize that it is the Christian ethic that is meant to keep a beautiful aspect of humanity in its proper place. But with those who see erotic love as its own justification, it is no wonder that Pride Parades are opposing positions today. And perhaps one simple way to begin, is to ask, “Is love really love?” Or is it proving too much?
Works Cited
Alexander, Scott. “Proving Too Much.” https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/G5eMM3Wp3hbCuKKPE/proving-too-much.
Gays Against Groomers, https://www.gaysagainstgroomers.com/about
Lu, Wendy. “8 LGBTQ Advocates Share What ‘Love Is Love’ Means.” Bustle, https://www.bustle.com/p/8-lgbtq-activists-share-what-love-is-love-means-to-them-in-donald-trumps-america-7278041
Marder, Jenny. “‘It is so ordered.’ Justice on Gay Marriage Decision.” PBS, https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/ordered-scotus-gay-marriage-decision.
Nambla. “What is Man/Boy Love?” Nambla, https://www.nambla.org/whatis.html.