"Famiy Life"?
The Orlando Sentinel has a section of the newspaper called "Family Life," although one wonders where the designation came from. The feature article on August 18, 2011 was "I DO(n't): Marriage? Let me Think about it." The column starts with a personal story about a 36-year-old woman who does not particularly want to marry because she has seen too many of her friends get divorced. Really? Isn't that somewhat equivalent to refusing to go to the doctor because so many people die? Sometimes a doctor cannot cure someone because the disease has spread too far or is too aggressive to treat effectively. Sometimes people get divorced because they never should have married in the first place.
Some may have wed who were selfish or manipulative from the get-go. Some are not surprised when the marriage fails because they knew the kind of person who entered the union was defective. The fact that some marriages fail does not prove there is something wrong with the concept. God, Who created us, certainly knows what is in our best interests.
Besides personality defects, many live together first, and that diminishes the chance for marital success. Many mistakenly feel that seeing how well they do together on a trial basis will increase the chances of a good marriage, but the opposite happens. Despite whatever commitment they might have beforehand, it is never the equivalent of marriage. Either one can walk away at any time. When they actually take wedding vows, things change more than they imagined they would, and now they are "stuck."
The woman being interviewed said: "I'm not saying that love isn't worth it, but I haven't met anyone worth giving up my current life for." It is not difficult to see who the object of her affection is. It also reinforces what was said above about selfishness being the cause of divorce. Love means not being selfish (1 Cor. 13:4-7). One of the values of having a mate is that a spouse furnishes a different perspective and takes one out of himself. The emphasis in society is, "I should be happy," which means "doing what I want to do when I want to do it." There is nothing sacrificial about that.
Later, children require sacrifices, also—unless parents just enjoy waking up at 2:00 A.M. every night. To give of oneself to others brings rewards that having one's own way cannot furnish. For that reason Jesus requires being put first (Luke 14:26-33). A woman seeks to please her husband and vice versa. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it. If two adults do not understand what love is, it is probably better that they do not enter into marriage. But neither does God grant them the "privileges" of marriage, and if they steal them, they have sinned and put themselves in danger of the judgment in the process.
The second article, appearing on September 1, just two weeks later, was: "Till Tedium Do Us Part." Hmm. How long would that take, if such were in the wedding vows? Consider this wacky sentence:
Marriages that aren't marred by abuse, addiction, repeated infidelity or other "high-conflict" issues, in other words, actually account for the majority of divorces (B1).
According to Pamela Hang, author of the book, Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses And Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules (Don't you just hate short titles?), 60% of all divorced couples in the United States are low-conflict marriages.
I cannot speak for everyone, but no one has ever complained to me of tedium. The last time research was done, the three key causes of divorce were sexual problems, money problems, and in-law problems. No one has ever come to me, crying and sobbing, and confessing, "I've just got to file for a divorce. My marriage is boring!" Several could have wished that their marriages were a little more so and that no extra-curricular excitement had occurred.
There was one woman who complained that her husband was a dud, but she had been unfaithful to him even though she had two small children. Actually, he really was boring and never wanted to do anything. "Did he become that way over night?" one wonders. Or did he become so after she cheated on him?
The good news in this article is that the experts believe certain things can be done to enliven a marriage, and (fortunately) all of the things listed are moral. In fact, workshops have been available for some time, designed to re-invigorate marriages. While it is true that marriages may become mundane and lackluster, it still seems difficult to believe that so many couples are getting divorced for that reason. Perhaps it is boredom that leads mates to be unfaithful.
The answer to this problem is to recall what the Bible teaches about the duties of a husband and a wife. Those who have a genuine commitment to each other and understand that love involves giving of oneself to the other should easily survive whatever boredom might creep in. Those who are Christians have the additional commitment to the Lord, which is another consideration outside of oneself.
Couples need to follow carefully the wisdom that God presents in the Holy Scriptures. God's plan never fails. People fail when they ignore it or reject it. It is sad to see people honor their commitments to team sports, social clubs, and even television programs—but not to God or to a mate. We can be better than we are.